im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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