it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
