There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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