So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize