i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
