just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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