i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
