Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
