Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
