i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
