can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
