this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize