I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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