If i come over, it means nothing
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
love makes seman taste better
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
