It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She's the barista slut.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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