The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
