I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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