tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
