I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
