Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
