I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
