im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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