i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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