after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
