cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
