I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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