I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
