oh god the rape fog is back!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize