she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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