I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
