I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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