TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
