I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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