so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
