we have officially lost it.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
