Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
