There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
