Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
