I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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