im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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