I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
