On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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