Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize