That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
