Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize