Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Randomize
