I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
40s are totally the cure
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
