i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Don't make out with my wife yet
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
