Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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