Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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