I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
