Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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