i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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