Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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