All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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