Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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