Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
