im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
