very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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