420 ftw
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize