He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
