Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Randomize
