I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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