Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
And then my night got REAL pukey
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
