omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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