I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize