We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
