My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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