i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I smell like Dick and happiness
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
