I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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