Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
