I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
