so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
