I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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