dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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