even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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