The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
