I wanna passion pit in your ass
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just had sex on a roof
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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