does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
