so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
