I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
