Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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