I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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