i think my mom watched the whole time
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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