Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize