whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
